The First Dance
by Florence Babbitt
Looking back at the beginning of our “stay at home” period, I felt it all to be quite surreal.Where I live the weather was perfect. Birds were singing their beautiful songs and flying freely without a care. Flowers were blooming and I was noticing all of the things nature had to offer. I often felt guilty knowing the tragedies that were occurring around the globe every second, while I had my health, food, TP, a yard, areas to safely walk and my companion, Ollie the dog.Along with that came Connecting: Facetime, Zoom (the 2nd coming after toilet paper), texts, emails and of course the jokes and the YouTube videos were coming in from all directions fast and furiously. It filled the empty spaces and allowed a person living alone to not feel isolated but along with that came distraction. Distraction from what I was feeling, from my emotions including fear; it also distracted from listening and being quiet in order to start looking inside myself. Meditation which is normally part of my life now became essential to maintain my saneness.My Spirit Family and our teacher sharing and guiding us with his wisdom each day mattered. Being quiet mattered in order to stop the chatter in my head and hear the messages. Friends & family do matter so I never feel alone and that I am loved. Gratitude matters. I write down what I am grateful for every morning and every evening just before bed.As time wore on, I looked at my life and in the darker hours the word shallow came to mind. I asked myself if the life I had been leading lacked true meaning and depth? My answer at that moment was “yes”. Have I been connected with my true self, my spirit self and have I been of service to others? The answer was no I have not.I have always lead an interesting and a very exciting life. I’ve traveled the world. I’ve met the most amazing people, but much of my life was about avoiding going within. Distracting myself from myself.I have been hiding since I was a young girl. Always afraid to feel the emotions, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to be rejected or hurt. This part is a work in progress and maybe always will be but during our stay at home time I am allowing myself to feel and to be open to whatever comes. One thing that has surfaced in my dreams and waking hours is the loss I have experienced. In the last few years, I have lost people who were part of the fabric of my life: Partners, friends, family members who shared my life and my journey. The memories have brought a lot of sadness but also joy.What I have realized is that in some cases I did not have closure and I wasn’t complete with someone. And the resulting dreams could be troubling. What I did do was allow myself to feel whatever came and not to judge it but to just be open to what I felt.During this time my body spoke to me loudly and clearly. My eyes were quite inflamed and causing me to want to constantly rub them and I’m a person who never touches their face.Next came the physical pain that attacked my joints, which caused me such agony I couldn’t move without pain. Mind Body connection in both cases? Absolutely! I turned to my teacher James for guidance as it was unrelenting 24/7. “I see with love and joy” & “I now create a life I love to look at” from Louise Hay’s Heal Your Body became my affirmations. Do I miss my mani/pedi’s, hair stylist, housekeeper – yes I do. Will that change? Probably not. But I will view things including myself and others in a more compassionate way. I will be interacting with myself and others honestly and without judgment.The most magical experience I have had in the last month was the Super Pink Full Moon April 7. I felt the power of this full moon in a way I would not have prior to COVID-19. I came outside with my dog and the moon came out of darkness weaving in and out through the clouds performing a dance of Shadow & Light. The feelings and sensations I felt and the words I used in my journal that night to describe what I felt were “awe inspiring” - a gift of balance, awareness, acceptance , releasing. I am ready.The energy I felt was like nothing I had felt before. My whole being was alive and feeling a sense of rebirth, a transformation from being an observer to being a participant in my own life story. It was the most mystical and magical 30 minutes I have ever experienced.And now we are at a point in time where several states are opening up non-essential businesses and public areas whether we are safely ready to or not. Time will tell. The question for me is am I ready? Am I ready to step in to the new normal and make a commitment to love myself as imperfect as I am and to serve the universe with the precious little time I have on this earth. My work is not done but it has started and it will continue as life and The First Dance of this new journey, this new beginning, unfolds.